lonely but strong.


This is the continuation of my earlier posts when a wish comes true and lost girl …….


I cried like a kid without anyone to pacify me. I cried until I was completely exhausted .I was not sure how long I was weeping .I didn’t know whom to blame I wept like an insane screaming with no one to hear. I was in a dark dense forest with large trees and intertwining creepers and few insects and animals for my company.

I knew I should survive but I didn’t know how, I didn’t have a reason to live. I thought about the little boy who saved me. I wished that he was with me but I knew it was impossible. I wandered aimlessly It was growing dark, the forest was becoming scarier every second, fear and agony embraced me as I felt something crawling on my leg. I was terrified to find it was a snake. I ran trembling like a leaf, shivering out of fear. I climbed a tree I was not sure how I did.

I sat there starving and thirsty. I told myself I am not going to cry anymore .As I lay clanging on a branch I wondered why my life is like this, what a horrible fate, my destiny .I knew no one would come searching for me. John never hated me but he will be glad to get rid of me. The very thought of him broke my resolution tears overflowed my eyes. I accepted the reality that I loved him but he didn’t.

I wandered aimlessly until I reached a cliff. I looked down it was very deep my heart skipped a beat. I swallowed I knew what I should do if I jump I end my life, put an end to the agony and suffering I am going through. I moved to very edge as my leg fell of the cliff I told God here I come to you. I can feel air gushing through my clothes. Its over I closed my eyes accepting death wholeheartedly.

Suddenly someone caught me pulled me embraced me. I stared at the person who pulled me back from death…..My heart skipped a beat…..”My John”…my John came for me he loved me .He came for me my heart fluttered with joy. He did something I never expected he hugged me. His tears brushed my shoulders. He kept on panting “why did you leave me I was worried “, he caressed me like a child. His eyes looked weary and deprived of sleep with dark circles underneath his dark blue eyes .I stood the transfixed unable to hold back my tears of joy. He told “come “.

I followed him silently .As we drove back to his house I asked him “how did you find me?”.He was angry but relieved “I knew you were lost I was searching for you. A little boy about five years old directed me to you. But then he went away.”I asked “was he in rags, does he has blue eyes?”.”Yes” he replied “do you know him?”.

“Yes” I replied “He was with me the night you kicked me out.”He looked at me with disbelief then cocked his head.

I ate as if I have never seen food. I gobbled almost everything on table. He looked at me with awe and a naughty grin. He is damn handsome when he smiles I thought to myself.”Clare “I asked

“We broke up “he told casually. I choked; he passed me a glass of water and smiled as he moved away. I can’t believe he is free for me .My heart jumped up and down in joy.My consciousness retorted he gave me a place to live I should be loyal. My heart asked my consciousness to shut up and I slept the most peaceful slumber I had in days.

Next day about noon a lot of people arrived, with their resemblance to John I guessed them to be his family. An elderly lady caught my hand with tear filled eyes “Oh my dear, John told me everything, how much suffering in this young age.”I don’t know why I cried. She hugged me with her feeble hands “don’t cry dear you now have a family we are your family even if you find your own family”.

“Mom is a bit emotional “said a good looking guy who was nearly of my age.”I am Sam “he said shaking my hand “John’s brother.”So you are that wonder woman, I imagined you to be good looking but you look stunning.””You are flattering “I replied blushing slightly. He nearly spends the whole time with me until John dragged him away.

The house was different the next day, cheerful, noisy and happy. Sam greeted me with a kiss on my cheek, making John glance enviously. Sam kept on chatting with me walking around with me. We weren’t just acquaintances we were good friends. I loved his presence, but John at times glanced at us with hatred.

It was Monday evening myself and Sam was strolling in the backyard .He hugged me during the conversation. It was then John pulled us apart and slapped me and asked me to go to my room. I hurried inside muffling my tears.

Evening John came to my room, I turned away from him. I said “we are just friends”. He said “Sam told me, I am sorry, I can’t bear seeing anyone with you”. He pulled me close slipped a ring to my hand kissing me.”I love U my torture”. I cried hugging him and kissing him .It was the most beautiful period of my life my John is not a heart and roses guy but he tried the best for me.

I loved him for sure, but there always something silent peculiar about him I noticed. Beneath his handsome face he had something hidden his love is genuine ,no girl could expect for a better guy than him. The guy who loved her and been with her but never touched her.

At times I can see the turmoil beneath his eyes; I can tell there was something else that bothered him rather than his business. I knew him better than myself; well indeed I don’t know anything about me. I am a pathetic creature. He is not an open man but he is a good man I knew.

Who am I.I still don’t have an answer for that question  but I have a family a boyfriend, but I felt insecure, I wanted to find who I am .I felt strong that I am not alone anymore I had my John who would be at my side good or bad .

It was a Tuesday afternoon; I was drinking coffee alone when John was in office. It was then I noticed something the pattern in the tea cup. I can remember things from my past. It came to me like flashes my past. I tried harder the harder I tried the weaker I turned then I collapsed.

When I woke up John was staring at me with concern.”John John” I cried with tears gushing due to happiness” I can remember “thing but he did not look distinctly happy. He smiled and asked “what is that you can remember dear?”I tried recollecting “A flash of light, two people and guy he is called Jacob, may be they are my parents they are giving me something they look serious. And I am called Hannah”. Something is wrong. I caught my head as it started aching.

“Take rest” he said as he moved away. His peculiar attitude disturbed me. “What’s wrong John”? I asked.”Nothing “he mumbled. I hate when guys try to cut me off. But I was too tired to be concerned about him. I dreamed about those kind faces the people who might have been my parents.

John was moody he gave me nod as he passed .It continued for several days until I stalked him .John what is wrong with you I asked “nothing ” he replied .I questioned him we quarreled with each other .I didn’t cry though my heart ached my John what’s wrong with him. I sat there with tear filled eyes. John came and sat near me and said “Sorry Hannah, I don’t want to lose you dear, I don’t want you to remember your past, what if you were married to someone else, I am scared that you will leave me. Tell me you won’t try to remember your past assure me”.”So this is what that disturbed you?”I asked.”I loved you always when I found you beside me on my bed when I threw you away, I tried hard to pull myself away from you but I loved you more”.

“I will never leave you John, I promise I will never try to remember my past “I said hugging him, but I am a good liar. I am not a perfect girl who keeps her promises, I remembered things but those things weren’t quite normal. John was cheerful since I didn’t inform him anything.

I wanted to leave I have to find out what my parents gave me I remember where I hid it .It was dangerous I sneaked out of my house I walked away with a last look at my John. I walked I should catch the train. I felt guilty for leaving him but I have things to be done. A car’s light blinded my vision I stared harder John…..I swallowed” get in we will go in flight rather than train “he said. I looked astonished, “I knew you were lying I knew you would get yourself into trouble”. He tossed my diary to me. “You may leave me but I will not “he said. “tears of happiness gushed out of my eyes.

My John is more than I ever bargained for. We boarded on the plane every girl seemed to notice him they gave him flirty looks .They glanced at me enviously .I gave then this good looking guy belongs to me, he is a private property look. John caught my hand and gave me I belong only to you look.

My memory was becoming clearer as we reached a large completely modern house. It was dusty and looks abandoned we broke in. I knew where I kept that box I opened it .It was a document an equation. “Holy crap, John we must leave I said pulling John away “.”What’s wrong dear “he asked. “we shouldn’t have come here “I cried .”we will leave ,dont cry calm down “he said .As we moved out a few people came they pulled John into a car and speed away.

I stood there unable to realize what happened. I should have listened to him in first place my inquisitiveness led me to this trouble. My poor John Oh my god, tears slipped my eyes I panicked. I have to be strong  I told myself .My phone vibrated I picked it up some one on the other end wants me to come somewhere they warned me if I call cops they will kill my John .I knew they were surveying my movements. I followed their directions and reached a narrow passage. I am not a courageous lady but I will go to any extend to save my dear John.

As I walked someone blinded me and directed me somewhere I can feel a gun pressed in my stomach. Fear gripped me hard, when the removed my blind fold I was tied next to John .I was relieved to see him. I shouted at the people around why are you doing this to us?.They replied “our boss will tell it to you himself and now be quiet lady”. I struggled but I was tied strong. “Sorry john “I whispered. He smiled “you should learn to obey me”.

I felt grateful for his love his patience .Their boss came my heart stopped as I had a glance of that person.”Peter “John exclaimed.”Yes John it’s me your best friend Peter”.”But why Peter “cried John. “Ask your girlfriend she knows “said Peter.”I know you remember things dear you are going to tell me where the virus is isolated then I will leave you both unharmed”.

John looked bewildered,”Hannah” he asked. I nodded. Peter continued “who won’t know your girlfriend the girl with highest IQ, the most brilliant student of her country, the only person under 20 to be the part of national secret agency of researchers of their country and the only person alive who know where the virus is isolated. I knew who she was when I found her in your house John but she didn’t remember anything she was useless .but I send my assistant to keep an eye on you.”Sammy”, I cried.

John was nearly heartbroken to find that his brother Sam is too a terrorist. I knew his pain .

Peter continued “A little bit of drugs made your brother help me.”John shrieked raging with fury “You bastard, you made my brother a drug addict”. Sam stood there unable to face his brother John his head hung low. Peter still continued “If you tell me where is the virus I can sell it to terrorists which they can use as a biological weapon, then I will be more rich than your multi millionaire boyfriend.

“I will tell you, promise me you will free John and leave Sammy alone “I said. “good girl “he said. he fixed his truth machine .I swallowed hard I can’t betray my country, the poor innocent people tears slipped my eyes .

Suddenly something happened Sammy pointed the gun at Peter and said “nothing is more important for me than my brother and best friend. I have called the cops”. I freed John and we were about to leave Peter pushed the gun away from Sammy .John dodged gave Peter a black eye .I looked with awe.”My brother is a boxer” Sam told. “You didn’t tell me “I said “you didn’t ask me sweetheart John exclaimed .I broke the head of the person who hit John with an iron. John looked at me with pride, the cops arrived but Peter shot me. I fell down; I can see my blood flowing away from me, shrieks and tears of my John. I was dying I was happy to die in his hands.

I woke up after two days in a hospital. John was wearing the same outfit he wore that day he hasn’t changed. He has an overgrown beard. He was relieved to see me tears of joy escaped his eyes. We spoke my stomach ached due wound created by bullet. He told me my parents are here. I told him “dear, I still don’t know how I reached your house”. He said “something’s are better unknown”.


My mom and thanked John a lot .My real name was Hannah. Our marriage was fixed On the marriage day morning I sit in front of the mirror checking my looks .The girl in the mirror looked exactly happy her life is perfect, she was satisfied, my mobile vibrated a email from John I hovered over my phone. A grin spreads over my face blushing slightly as I read his text.

As we came to the church everyone looked worried John’s family is nowhere to be seen. I found that John is sick. Fear gripped me “let him be alright, let him be alright I prayed “between my sobs .Tears dripped over my gown.


As we reached there I knew John was detected with lung cancer and it is final stage. He will be alive only for few days. I felt my heart stop I cried I wept almost everyone were pacifying but it was no good my John My life. John asked to see me I moved to his bed with a resolution as I paced forward I can feel my heart tearing apart. John looked at me with eyes filled with love and pain “sorry, my torture. I can’t marry you”. I said “what the hell don’t try to cheat me we are going to marry the next day you get discharged”. he asked “what if I die”. I told “you won’t I will kill you myself if you die”.

30 years later


In the lawn I sat with my husband leaning on him .Mr. John and his wife Hannah John (that is me) is the happiest couple. “Grandma Tony broke my doll “cried lily. John fixed it for her, she ran back happily. My John’s hair is grey so is mine .I lean on my John, my gift from god. I looked at him intertwining our hands. He said “love you torture”.”I love you too” I replied. As I rest on his shoulders I wished to be with him forever. It was then I saw that little boy of five who saved me from the dog. I followed him. He came to me I hugged him. He asked me “why do you wish the same thing twice.”I asked him “how did you know? How come you never grew ?”.”I know because I was the person who made your wish come true, and I like one thing about you, you never blamed me .when the whole world blames me.  I never grew   because I wished not to grow up.” he disappeared leaving me transfixed. I have never met him after that day but I look forward to meet him.






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