I am always late………………………………..

I am again late…I peer into my watch,I rush to my room pick up a shirt an stripped one and dress up as fast as I can …..I stare for a second on the mirror …Its been few days since I shaved….tiny strands of beard outline my cheek and jaws….I dont have time to shave….I know she hates me when I dont shave….but dont I look kind of hot without shaving???but  I cant be late….

I rush out of my house fastening my watch as I mount down the stairs I remembered that I left my mobile back home….I rush back,,,,,phew I sweat a lot….I take my phone and walk down..time is racing like hell….My bike doesnt start I tried harder to start it….but it didnt…things always turn out to be like this for me…. I walk off….cursing under my breath its nine I have to reach there by ten.

I look around there isnt auto in sight….and the stupid taxi driver I know is not picking up the phone……I stand there waiting for a bus .I wait there isnt any ….here comes a bus but it goes to some other destination….I saw buses that go to every other place in the world other than the place I want to go….

My girl always waits and I am always late….but she has never complained….she never complains…she dont get angry easily…I am lucky to have a girlfriend like her she is different from normal girls…..she never asks for gifts, never did she fight when I forgot her birthday,,,,,

when I apologize she smiles and tells “did I complain???”…..at last here comes a bus..I enter it ,Its crowded I have to stand near ladies I hate crowded buses……omg a school bag hit my face….the student apologized I mumbled its okay…..but its not okay,,,,,I hate standing near other ladies…..I think the merest thought of any other girl other than her is like cheating  her….and to my refuge  a person leaves…I sit down…..the bus stops so many times….I am irritated…I am gonna be late because of this stupid bus…….I am nearly smashed to death when I get down…..

I walk for some time and at last I reached on time…..a minute before ten…..I rush inside I look at her she smiles….a girl gave me some flowers as her bridegroom ties the mangalsutra on her I shower the flowers on her…..her eyes are fixed on me…I smile….she relaxes…..but….in here deep in my heart….I die…I bless the couple ….she looks happy…yes she is,,,,she should be,,,,,,,

I greet them….her eyes peer into me…she tells”I am happy you came….and you are on time for the first time?”….I smile…”you are my dearest one,how will I not be a part of the most special day of your life?”…..A tear skips her eye as it dropped on my hand…

I know he is a better man for her….I walk away….she may forget me but I dont know if I can….she will have a family she looks happy with him….though seeing them together breaks my heart….I dont know why I cry it hurts a lot …….I will not die….because she will feel guilty if I die….

I want her to smile….she looks like a queen but not my queen anymore….I was her prince but not her King…….I love you dear…..I cry//……….

 

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why????????????????????????????????????

I sit here in dark,

so dark without a tiniest spark,

I am scared,

perhaps really scarred ….

the darkness is not out there,

its in  here I swear…..

 

Its not evil insight ,

but without a light,

nay a mere spark called hope,

coz light left my soul,

the day,

u left me alone….

 

why did you,

ever come

into my life ???

Is it???

to just make me a scum,

or just to …….

split my heart in two…. .

 

do you know ?

how much I cry….

just for you…

why did you walk away????

without a  merest goodbye…

 

why did you

make me smile???

for now

without you I forgot

how to smile….

 

I will never curse you

never will I hate you

I will never complain …

never will I be smiling again….

 

you striven hard for me,

to see me happy ,

you tore yourself,

you left me ,

coz you decided,

my life will be better ,

without you…..

but why ????

did you forget dear ,

that you are my life….

 

for love is peculiar…

perhaps in future….

If I ever see you ????

I will smile ,speak to you….

but deep in here,

my heart bleeds..

 

 

 

busy….

every time I wake,

I curse …at the day break

why night is too less,

my slumber was quite a mess.

 

As I brush,

As I dress,

and perhaps gobble my breakfast,

and run behind the bus….so fast.

 

never did I pause,

To see the world around me….

running to and fro,

like a programmed robo….

 

 

 

 

love is just simply blind

love is just simply blind,

as my tears stride,

down my cheeks..

as I cry with noiseless shreiks…

 

my memories still bring you back…

making my feeble heart crack,

I see you in tears alone…

falling down in aisles of lovelorn..

 

i wish I could stand by your side,

and to tell I have loved you all my life,

for I will wait until my last breath..

dear please dont cry.

 

for I move away.. silently sobbing,

coz my love is simply blind…

walking alone to darkness…

I walk alone in a lonely path,tired and weary… I don’t have any idea where this lonely journey might lead me to.Its dark here, a strange silence  devoid of the slightest noise .I felt that the world is standing still,everything around me looked scared still,Its cold…..pitch dark…..but I walk with a heart of rock…It was hardened by the miseries that I have come across.I cannot hold on anymore,neither can I cry?..  I have cried for a life time and now it is enough,I dont blame anyone it was my decision that ruined my life,I will never blame god for he has always provided me with choice.But I am not sorry either…

I walk in darkness unanimously,I feel that the trees silently stare at me…Do they know what I am going through?….They might be sad for me I wonder ….I walk again with my legs stiffening every second… Its turning colder …its snowing harder….Beautiful memories resonate back to me his smile our lovely games….I walk further into dark …now those memories vanish and replaced by worse ones…but I brush them away….the street lights flicker but I am not scared …tears race down my cheeks silently…..there is no beauty or happiness left in life…

The turmoil inside my head ceased for it has haunted me for decades….now I dont care ….about anyone…I have no anger no anticipation….no hope for future .I have forgiven everyone…who made me cry…I feel the nature mourns for me….perhaps the only person who would mourn for my departing….

at last I reach the cliff,I look down Its deep looks like never has an end, like my miseries, my heart doesn’t waver… for I have decided… nor am I scared …death is nothing when compared to what I have faced while living… I close my eyes the cold air gushing through my clothes makes me shiver ……its over …..I decide

as my legs step forward I hear a little kids voice”momma”….I turn back…..crying and panting..my kid….I sob silently I can never die leaving him….how will he live without me?? he would be an orphan…will anyone give him food??this world which treated me mercilessly what would they do to a little kid of four??….when he gets up how will he react when he knows that his mom is gone??…no I cant allow my kid to suffer….I cry I sob and I walk back ….

PS:this is a true story based on the life of a lady I know….this is just one of the small incident of her life she shared with me….The heart of the mother ….her love…doesnt it give her the strength to face almost any hardship in life??….Isnt mother  beauty of a woman ??,her love makes her go to any extend for her kid….the bond that remains intact until death…her love for her kid called her back from death….

 

 

the bride….

here she sit ,

Can she admit??

she feels so sick..

for her nerves play the trick,,,

 

surrounded she is

with family kith and kin…

but she feels alone

under the turmoil of her feelings…

 

they adore her,

do they know her heart deter?

In love she should be excited…

but why is she frightened??

 

She smiles she speaks she cheers…

but only her heart know her fears,

as she see her mehendi ,

she feels happy,her love turns true,

 

for her prince charming….

her lovely darling…

catches her hand…

but why is she scared??

 

lovely parents of her…

bonded she is to their love for her…

never can she think,

a life without them she sink..

 

silent tears leave her eyes,

as she passes from her parents side,

twenty three years,

arent just a few years…

 

A curse of every girl

or perhaps a boon…

neither she knew..

leaving her mom and dad…

 

her heart bellows….

happiness and sadness mellows..

beneath the pretty face of the bride,

several feelings stride.

 

Not a kid anymore..

A woman a wife a mother and much more…

she ought to be,

fear excitement and glee..

 

the best day of her life,

the dream of every girlie,

every eyes peer on her,

calculating her value ,

not by her heart but by her jewels.

 

her heart races …

as trumpets blows,

like a princess she sits,

with her prince on her throne…

 

but as he stands by her

grinning at her wide

her fears vanish ,the sad dove,

smiles as it is the power of love…

 

A new day a new life…

starts for our lovely innocent bride.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

love you

in a starry night,

by my right,

in your eyes,

I want to see my eyes.

 

stony paths…I made you walk,

still by  my side you are in my lonely trek,

heartless mishap I was…

for you melted my heart like wax

 

I spurned you stabbed you hard

but your love never did retard,

you lost yourselves to find me,

now I find you in me…..

 

my tissue when I cry,

with you I see my future,

good or bad alike,

I know you will be at my side.

 

pathless or unraveled way ,

you lead me I follow you without a nay….

For no one had been at my side,

other than you when I strive….

 

for you are my love,

My wish which turned true,

my hands in yours,

lets walk through the endless paths.

 

lets walk to far off lands,

crossing the time sands,

Just you and me..

like the buzzing bee…

 

here you are close,

with a  bouquet of rose,

and a valentine card,

in my backyard…

 

love can never be true,

than its for you…

my dear valentine…

for you are what true love define…

 

 

my happiness….lies in you…

I walk through the dusty crowded dodging myself in the grumpy tiresome traffic…the very noise of bullshit vehicle horns piercing my heads…..normally my friends will accompany me when I go out shopping but today I decided to walk in alone….

I have a brief look at the shop I am going to enter a large air conditioned book store the biggest in town ,A smile lightens my  face…at last I am gonna buy a book out of my own savings…

I walk in slowly like a kid entering a candy land…my weary eyes turned sharp glancing hungrily at every book it can see….I enter the haven of books with a blooming heart…I pass the corridors and piled up shelves….

with books of attractive covers taunting me …I smell the air..cold …I wished every book was mine …I grin as I pick a book outlined in purple like a little kid catching her prized doll….I open it….the smell of new book….oh my god mesmerizing….I go through it …I pick an other…I smile I walk around happily…all alone with no one to compel me to walk out fast….

I leisurely take an other book,my mobile rings breaking the silence and my thoughts..I attend the call to find my friend on other end..”hello where are you??”

“in town buying a book”I replied ….”I am coming “he said..

after a minute or two he enters he requires some money to pay his fees.No one gives it to him because he never returns,but I know he hates to be poor but its fate…

here you go I extend my savings ….”I am sorry “he tells…I never want to be a burden to you…but…

I assure him its ok…he looks at my hand the book with a dejected and sad look ,,,”never mind,I will purchase it some other time”I said..sporting a smile..I walk out of the shop empty handed catching his hand ….In traffic he takes care of me like a kid…he looked sad…I tickle him he smiles an empty smile….as I board on bus he tells”when I become rich I will get you all the books in this world”…..

I smile….what can I ask more than this love…this heart,,,,??/there is nothing more valuable than his friendship….his love….there are certain things more valuable than money,,,,and that is friendship…I would do anything to make him smile…

friendship at times is divine…but now I feel more happy than I ever would if I buy that book….