walking alone to darkness…

I walk alone in a lonely path,tired and weary… I don’t have any idea where this lonely journey might lead me to.Its dark here, a strange silence  devoid of the slightest noise .I felt that the world is standing still,everything around me looked scared still,Its cold…..pitch dark…..but I walk with a heart of rock…It was hardened by the miseries that I have come across.I cannot hold on anymore,neither can I cry?..  I have cried for a life time and now it is enough,I dont blame anyone it was my decision that ruined my life,I will never blame god for he has always provided me with choice.But I am not sorry either…

I walk in darkness unanimously,I feel that the trees silently stare at me…Do they know what I am going through?….They might be sad for me I wonder ….I walk again with my legs stiffening every second… Its turning colder …its snowing harder….Beautiful memories resonate back to me his smile our lovely games….I walk further into dark …now those memories vanish and replaced by worse ones…but I brush them away….the street lights flicker but I am not scared …tears race down my cheeks silently…..there is no beauty or happiness left in life…

The turmoil inside my head ceased for it has haunted me for decades….now I dont care ….about anyone…I have no anger no anticipation….no hope for future .I have forgiven everyone…who made me cry…I feel the nature mourns for me….perhaps the only person who would mourn for my departing….

at last I reach the cliff,I look down Its deep looks like never has an end, like my miseries, my heart doesn’t waver… for I have decided… nor am I scared …death is nothing when compared to what I have faced while living… I close my eyes the cold air gushing through my clothes makes me shiver ……its over …..I decide

as my legs step forward I hear a little kids voice”momma”….I turn back…..crying and panting..my kid….I sob silently I can never die leaving him….how will he live without me?? he would be an orphan…will anyone give him food??this world which treated me mercilessly what would they do to a little kid of four??….when he gets up how will he react when he knows that his mom is gone??…no I cant allow my kid to suffer….I cry I sob and I walk back ….

PS:this is a true story based on the life of a lady I know….this is just one of the small incident of her life she shared with me….The heart of the mother ….her love…doesnt it give her the strength to face almost any hardship in life??….Isnt mother  beauty of a woman ??,her love makes her go to any extend for her kid….the bond that remains intact until death…her love for her kid called her back from death….

 

 

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Sha'Tara says:

    Terribly poignant, all the more that it is based on a true story. The endurance of a mother, even in absolute despair. What a story… heart breaking, yet with so much hope. Well told… so well told.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. anaghamurali says:

      thank you so much….

      Like

  2. Nitin says:

    Such deep and vivid description. Very well captured. And the state of that Lady’s mind. How lonely we want to become, sometimes, that we want to run away from ourselves. Gladly she fought on.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. anaghamurali says:

      it was sad I was on verge of tears when that lady told about her life …..plus I count my blessings now….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nitin says:

        Yes. This is an indeed a heartbreaking story.

        Liked by 1 person

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