A harsh reality….my bony girl

I have always wanted my blog to be cheerful,I have always desired as you read my blog it must be the reason of the smile at the corner of your lips.
But today I am going to share something which I have tried to pen down a thousand times but incessantly failed because recollecting those memories nearly renders me in tears.I am actually a bold and strong girl but this incident still instills a strange fear and pain .once my blogger brother advised me to  write to vent out my pain.so here it goes
Few months back….
I was kind of depressed.My friend cum bro came up with a idea that a drive can alleviate my mood.
” where are we going ?”I asked.
“Surprise” he replied.
“Don’t play I am in no way  interested in your so called drastic drive.”I replied annoyed.
He know exactly how to tackle me when I get depressed.I  must tell I am really lucky to have him as a part of my life.
He stopped the car I jumped out by the way swearing under my breath.
I blankly stare at the board ……..
Aids centre of kids.(name changed)
He was unloading some foodies and snacks for those kids.
I looked at him earnestly.he shot me an innocent glance “I thought helping kids might make you feel better….”.
I nodded “yes it does…..”
I loved my brother loads…..he is the best….
We marched inside carrying large
boxes filled with food and snacks for those kids.They pestered around us as we distributed them snacks they smiled at me…they loved me but soon their smiles vanished and were replaced grave expressions .” take us with you…..don’t leave us and go” they cried.I remained a helpless ……I assured them..”..I will when I get a job…..”.
I felt a little kid pulling my dress I turned sat on my knees”dear ,do you want an other ice cream.?.”
“Yes ,not for me but for my friend”she said.
I gave her….but she looked at the ice cream and then me.
“She will be happy to see you” she said.
“Really ” I asked.walking with her towards her friends….she caught my hand leading me it was too fragile.
What I saw there was hundreds of kids lying on mats…..their skin wrapping their bones I nearly cant  differentiate bones and mat…..
Tears gushed out of my eyes…..I looked at her friend I wasn’t sure the girl was alive until her pupil moved.I stood there transfixed unable to digest the harsh realities of life.
I handed over the ice cream to the girl who lead me here.
She fed the other girl who was nearly attached to the mat.
The vicar of the church who took was in charge of these kids looked at me….
He said “this girl on the mat will die tomorrow or the day after
The girl who is feeding her will die next month”.
I look at him with tears”do they know this?”.
“Yes they do ” he replied.
I virtually died there….( I can feel my eyes engulfing with tears when I write it).
The girl feeding her ran to me….they haven’t ate the ice cream not even 1/5 the of it.
” what dear” I asked with a made up smile.
She wants you to take her in your hands…..the girls weren’t even 4 years old…..
Normally kids of this age will be cuddled and pampered by their parents…..and this girl lie here awaiting death.
I took her in my hands I know people near me scorn to even touch them…..(I read it from their expression)
In my hands she weighed nothing….even a dozen of papers would have been heavier.
Just a skeleton or an array of bones awaiting death….in my hands she was, resting her head on my shoulders.
She was a living being a kid…..her parents did it to her…they gave her aids its not her mistake but she suffers.
She told me” I will die tomorrow ,can you please take me outside I want to see light.?????”.
Tears sprung out of my eyes….she with great difficulty wiped them….she asked me”why are u crying?”.
I smiled”now I  am not crying”I told her.
She smiled.
We walked around.soon she was tired.
I left her in her mat….she called me…..and kissed me….”thanks” she said.
“Will you please come when I die” she asked….
I kissed her and replied “surely……I love you dear”.
Tears gushed out……of my eyes….
I ran out of the place to my car sobbing desperately….my brother who witnessed all this silently looked at me .
He said ” you did good”.
“What ? I was helpless,useless “I replied.
I sat there crying……I cried on my way home…..in my house I wept for days….
She must have died by now my bony girl she was strong I knew but I was too weak to see her embrace death…. The very thought makes me shudder…

.my pocket money will always turn into their medicines but still.
I can’t do anything to reduce their pain.

I can’t bear seeing their pain…….I weep even now…for she must be laughing from among stars…..

PS.I am sorry if this post made you sad….every word in the above post is true…..when things like this happen in our life we understand how lucky we are and by the way how weak and helpless we are.

Advertisements

32 Comments Add yours

  1. mySestina says:

    O dear!! This is a sad reality and we only can feel it if we see it in with our own eyes. I can understand how a kind soul would feel seeing such heartbreaking things.. I pray for all the children and I hope things get better for them

    Liked by 2 people

    1. anaghamurali says:

      Well that is all we can do

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Akhila says:

    dear anagha.. just can’t comment here.. feeling very very bad.. crying and crying..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. anaghamurali says:

      This what even I did…..it haunts me every time I see a fragile girl.
      It reminds me of her hopeless eyes….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Akhila says:

        yes.. even thought i was not with you, I just feel each moments and it haunts me to no end..

        Liked by 1 person

      2. anaghamurali says:

        Hmm……I must thank you fr sharing my pain and grief……

        Liked by 1 person

    2. anaghamurali says:

      I am sorry I made you cry..

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Akhila says:

        nothing wrong with you.. you shared a harsh reality..

        Liked by 3 people

  3. I wish if i could help those children. These are one of the sitiuation that really makes me feel helpless.

    Your post really made me cry..even i am making the comment with eyes full of tears😢

    Liked by 2 people

    1. anaghamurali says:

      Even I wished……but it was too late….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Let us hope if we could help others like them and on time.

        Like

      2. anaghamurali says:

        Yes I try my best but I can’t bear seeing kids in pain

        Liked by 1 person

      3. No one could even see..it causes unbearable pain😦😦

        I can understand your emotions.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Sunith says:

    Dear Anagha, I admit it is quite an experience to see people awaiting death while we could just stand still, powerless and useless.Very moving post, many of us would benefit from such visits to hospitals and care centres and get to understand the reality of life in despair…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. anaghamurali says:

      I have visited several places but this incident …..left a scar that can never b healed

      Like

      1. Sunith says:

        We can understand your feelings Anagha, we would felt the same if we had been there…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. anaghamurali says:

        Hmm…….thank u fr ur kind words

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Sonu Somaraj says:

    Deep !! Beautifully written, but painful to not think of it later. Devastating to even think of it . Im numb

    Liked by 1 person

    1. anaghamurali says:

      Devastating to think huh????I know I suffered from fever for a week just because of crying…..

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sonu Somaraj says:

        I know how it feels. I almost got there, eyes wet, by the time I finished reading.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. anaghamurali says:

        Hmmm……..dear thanks for reading …..

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Sonu Somaraj says:

        My pleasure, mate

        Liked by 1 person

  6. annascuisine says:

    I cried while reading your post and said a little prayer. It is very sad indeed. Now, she is in heaven. The best place to be for such a child. Although, the horrible images remain, we can rest knowing that she is with the Lord and no longer suffering. Lesson learned that we should never take even the smallest blessings we receive for granted because others are praying and wishing for what we have. I wish you well Anaghamurali. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Nitin says:

    this is really different experience Anagha. 99% of us don’t even think about all these things, forget about visiting such a place (including me, this thought had never came to my mind to think about such people)

    your bother has a gentle soul, and you too. Respect for both of you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. anaghamurali says:

      It is a painful experience .I have visited many places especially old age homes the old grannies and granpas literally begs us to stay longer……and bless us stating that we look like their grandchildren.how much they r deprived of love…..? And orphanages kids cling to us crying and begging to us to take them with us.
      But this incident was the hardest something I can never forget remains etched in my heart…bringing in tears every time……..I followed ur advice writing to eradicate pain.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nitin says:

        You are an amazing soul Anagha. So much emotions you have, ability to empathize with others. I can only imagine something like this -and you are doing it, talking about it, spreading awareness… hats off to you. and respect.

        Like

      2. anaghamurali says:

        Thank u nitin

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Nitin says:

        always welcome. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  8. chithankalai says:

    Touching…. Don’t know what to say. I wish I were with you then to share….

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s