I have always wanted my blog to be cheerful,I have always desired as you read my blog it must be the reason of the smile at the corner of your lips.
But today I am going to share something which I have tried to pen down a thousand times but incessantly failed because recollecting those memories nearly renders me in tears.I am actually a bold and strong girl but this incident still instills a strange fear and pain .once my blogger brother advised me to write to vent out my pain.so here it goes
Few months back….
I was kind of depressed.My friend cum bro came up with a idea that a drive can alleviate my mood.
” where are we going ?”I asked.
“Surprise” he replied.
“Don’t play I am in no way interested in your so called drastic drive.”I replied annoyed.
He know exactly how to tackle me when I get depressed.I must tell I am really lucky to have him as a part of my life and absolutely annoying when I am offbeat depressed .
He stopped the car I jumped out by the way swearing under my breath.
I blankly stare at the board ……..
Aids centre of kids.(name changed)
He was unloading some foodies and snacks for those kids.
I looked at him earnestly.he shot me an innocent glance “I thought helping kids might make you feel better….”.
I nodded “yes it does…..”
I loved my brother loads, he is the best….
We marched inside carrying large
boxes filled with food and snacks for those kids.They pestered around us as we distributed them snacks they smiled at me…they loved me but soon their smiles vanished and were replaced grave expressions .” take us with you…..don’t leave us here and go” they cried.I remained a helpless ……I assured them..”..I will when I get a job…..”.
I felt a little kid pulling my dress I turned sat on my knees”dear ,do you want an other ice cream.?.”
“Yes ,not for me but for my friend”she said.
I gave her….but she looked at the ice cream and then at me.
“She will be happy to see you” she said.
“Really ” I asked walking with her towards her friends….she caught my hand leading me to a long room, she was too fragile.
What I saw there haunts me even now.There were hundreds of kids lying on mats…..they were so thin that it moreover appeared as if their skin was wrapped their bones devoid of any muscle or flesh. I nearly cant differentiate bones and mat.
Tears gushed out of my eyes…..I looked at her friend I wasn’t sure the girl was alive until her pupil moved.I stood there transfixed unable to digest the harsh realities of life which struck me like a stake.
I handed over the ice cream to the girl who lead me here.
She fed the other girl who was nearly attached to the mat.
The vicar of the church who was in charge of these kids looked at me, came over to us.
He said “this girl on the mat will die tomorrow or the day after
The girl who is feeding her will die next month”.
I look at him with tears”do they know this?”.
“Yes they do ” he replied.
I virtually died there….( I can feel my eyes engulfing with tears when I write it).
The girl feeding her ran to me. They haven’t ate the ice cream not even 1/5 the of it.
” what dear” I asked with a made up smile.
“She wants you to take her in your hands,can you please”…..the girls weren’t even 4 years old…..
Normally kids of this age will be cuddled and pampered by their parents…..and this girl lie here awaiting death.
I took her in my arms I knew people near me scorn to even touch them…..(I read it from their expressions of utter disgust)
In my hands she weighed nothing….even a dozen of papers would have been heavier.
Just a skeleton or an array of bones awaiting death….In my hands she was, resting her head on my shoulders.
She was a living being, a kid…..her parents did it to her…they gave her AIDS, its not her mistake but she suffers.
She told me” I will die tomorrow ,can you please take me outside I want to see light.?”.
Tears sprung out of my eyes….she with great difficulty wiped them….she asked me”why are u crying?”.
I smiled”now I am not crying”I told her.
We walked around.soon she was tired.
I left her in her mat….she called me…..and kissed me….”thanks” she said.
“Will you please come when I die” she asked….
I kissed her and replied “surely……I love you dear”.
Tears splurged down.
I ran out of the place to my brother’s car sobbing desperately….my brother who witnessed all this silently looked at me .
He said “what you did in there was good”.
“What ? I was helpless,useless “I replied.
I sat there crying……I cried on my way home…..in my house I wept for days….
She must have died by now my bony girl she was strong I knew but I was too weak to see her embrace death…. The very thought makes me shudder…
My pocket money will always turn into their medicines but still.
I can’t do anything to reduce their pain.
I can’t bear seeing their pain…….I weep even now…for she must be laughing from among stars…..
PS.I am sorry if this post made you sad….every word in the above post is true…..when things like this happen in our life we understand how lucky we are and by the way how weak and helpless we are.